How To Tell If Your Partner Is A Hating Ass Bitch (Gender Neutral) And Trying To Sabotage Or Control You

I’m just gonna say it—WAY too many of y’all are in relationships with shitty booboo ass people because you’d rather be with someone who hates you than be single. They want you small, controllable, and dependent on them, and you keep making excuses for it because you’d rather have any warm body next to you than have the bed all to yourself.

Let’s talk about the signs that your partner is jealous of you and trying to sabotage or control you, because love really can be blind as fuck, and I wanna give you 20/20 vision. 👁️

SIGN 1: THEY DOWNPLAY YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS

You get a promotion, finish a project, hit a goal,  or achieve something you’ve been working toward, and instead of celebrating with you, they find ways to diminish it.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Well, [other person] did it faster.”

“You only got that because of [some external factor that has nothing to do with your skills].”

“Okay, but what about [completely different thing you haven’t done yet]?”

They can’t just let you have your moment. They gotta poke holes in it, redirect attention, or make it seem less impressive than it is.

A partner who loves you and wants you to thrive will HYPE YOU TF UP when you win. They’ll be your biggest cheerleader, and be proud as fuck of you. A partner who’s jealous of you will find subtle (or not so subtle) ways to make sure that you don’t feel *too* good about yourself. Because if you feel good, confident, and capable, you might fuck around and realize that you don’t need them. They can’t handle that.

SIGN 2: THEY DISCOURAGE YOU FROM PURSUING YOUR GOALS

Every time you talk about something you wanna do to better yourself—start a business, go back to school, learn a new skill, make a career change—they’ve got a reason why you shouldn’t.

“That’s too risky.”

“You’re not ready for that yet.”

“What if you fail?”

“We can’t afford it.” (even when you can)

“Don’t you think you should focus on [something else] first?”

They frame it like they’re being practical or protective, but really they’re just scared that you’ll outgrow them when you level up. A supportive partner asks “How can I help you make this happen?”A jealous, controlling partner asks “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” and then lists all the reasons you’ll probably fail.

SIGN 3: THEY GET WEIRD WHEN YOU LOOK GOOD

You get dressed up, do your hair and makeup, and put on something that makes you feel hot, and instead of complimenting you, they get uncomfortable, critical, or passive-aggressive.

“Where are YOU going looking like that?”

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

“You never dress like that for me.”

“You’re trying to get attention, huh?”

Or, OR they say nothing at all. No compliment, no acknowledgment, no appreciative stares, just cold silence or a quick dismissive glance. But if you look plain, tired, or “modest,” suddenly they’re fine. Because when you look good, other people notice.

They don’t want anyone else seeing you as desirable, successful, or worth pursuing. They want you to dim your light so that *they’re* the only option you see.

SIGN 4: THEY ISOLATE YOU FROM YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

This one’s insidious as fucking hell because it happens slowly, and they make it seem reasonable.

They don’t like your friends because they’re“a bad influence” or “dramatic” or “jealous of your relationship.

They have a problem with how much time you spend with your family. You’re “too attached” to your mom, your siblings are “toxic,” your family “doesn’t respect your relationship.”

They get upset when you make plans that don’t include them. You’re “always gone,” you “don’t prioritize them,” you “care more about other people.”

Slowly but surely, they create distance between you and everyone who genuinely loves and supports you. And once you’re isolated, they’ve got you exactly where tf they want you—dependent on *them* for everything.

A healthy partner WANTS you to have strong relationships outside of them. They encourage you to see your friends, spend time with family, have your own life. A controlling partner makes you feel guilty every time you try to connect with anyone who’s not them.

SIGN 5: THEY COMPETE WITH YOU INSTEAD OF SUPPORTING YOU

Everything becomes a competition. If you share something you’re excited about, they one-up you with something they did. If you’re struggling with something, they’re struggling more. If you’re happy, they need to be happier. If you’re sad, their problems are sooooo much worse.

You can’t just have your experience; they always gotta make it about them and make sure they’re the center of attention. Or worse, they compete with you in ways that actively undermine you.

You’re tryna eat healthier, and they suddenly start bringing junk food home. You’re working on a project, and they create distractions or pick fights during your work time. You’re saving money, and they pressure you to spend.

They can’t *stand* seeing you succeed at something they’re not succeeding at, so they sabotage you to level the playing field.

SIGN 6: THEY CRITICIZE YOU “FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”

They constantly point out your flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings, but frame it as helping you or caring about you.

“I’m just being honest.”

“Someone has to tell you the truth.”

“I’m only saying this because I love you.”

“You’re too sensitive, I’m trying to help you.”

But somehow, their “help” always makes you feel worse about yourself. Their “honesty” always focuses on what’s wrong with you, never what’s right.

They nitpick your appearance, your personality, your decisions, your habits. And over time, you start believing that you’re not good enough, that you’re lucky they put up with you, that no one else would want you.

THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT. They’re breaking down your self-esteem so you don’t realize that you can do so much better than them.

SIGN 7: THEY CONTROL YOUR MONEY

They want access to your bank accounts, control over your spending, and input on your financial decisions, but their money is all theirs.

They question every purchase you make, make you feel guilty for spending money on yourself, and pressure you to quit your job or go part-time so you’re more financially dependent on them.

OR they’re financially irresponsible and pressure *you* to bail them out, pay their bills, and cover their expenses—draining your resources so you can’t leave even if you wanted to.

Financial control is one of the most effective ways to trap someone. If you don’t have your own money, your own financial independence, you can’t easily leave. And they know that.

SIGN 8: THEY PUNISH YOU FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES

Every time you try to assert a boundary—“I need space,” “I don’t like when you do that,” “That’s not okay with me”—they make you pay for it.

They give you the silent treatment, get cold and distant, pick fights, bring up old shit. They make you feel like YOU’RE the problem for having needs. Over time, you learn not to set boundaries at all, because the punishment isn’t worth it. You learn to just go along with whatever they want to avoid the conflict.

And that’s exactly what they’re training you to do—be compliant, accommodating, and never challenge them.

SIGN 9: YOUR INTUITION KEEPS SCREAMING AT YOU

Deep down, you KNOW something’s off. You feel it in your gut, in your chest, and in your goddamn bones.

You find yourself walking on eggshells, monitoring your words, and changing your behavior to avoid setting them off. You feel anxious, drained, and smaller than you used to be.

You’ve thought about leaving more than once. You’ve even imagined what your life would look like without them, and it looks happier. Freer. More like YOU. But then you talk yourself out of it. You tell yourself it’s not that bad, that they love you, that you’re overreacting, that you won’t find anyone else, that you’re too old/broke/damaged to start over.

Babe, your intuition is NOT wrong. If something feels off, it IS off. Trust that. If you can’t, go to my thread on intuition vs anxiety on Threads. It’ll help.

WHY PEOPLE STAY:

I know some of y’all are reading this and recognizing your partner in every. single. sign, and you’re STILL not ready to leave, because you’re scared of being alone. You think that being with someone, even someone who treats you like shit, is better than being by yourself.

It’s nottttttt!! I promise you it’s not.

Being alone means your energy is YOURS. Your time is yours. Your money is yours. Your goals are yours. Your PEACE is yours. You’re not constantly being drained, criticized, controlled, or sabotaged by a crusty old cum sock who’s so pathetic that the only way they can feel big is by making you feel small.

You think you won’t find anyone else. You think you’re too much, too difficult, too damaged, too old, too whatever, and that this person is the best you’re gonna get.

That is a SCHEMEEEEE that Todd set up!! It is a LIE from the fiery depths of hell, and they want you to believe it so you stay stuck. You are absolutelyyyyyy worthy of *real* love, *real* support, *real* partnership. But you won’t find it while you’re wasting your energy on the motherfucker you’re with now.

You’ve invested so much time already, I know. You don’t wanna “start over.” You don’t wanna “give up.” But staying with someone who hates you isn’t commitment or fucking loyalty, it’s self-abandonment. Why would you do that?

Sure, the time you’ve already spent is gone, and you can’t get it back. But what you *can* do is stop wasting EVEN MORE time on someone who doesn’t deserve you. You still love them. Despite everything, you care about them, and you keep hoping they’ll change.

I’m here to tell you that they’re not gonna change. At least, not for you. People only change when *they* want to, and someone who’s jealous and controlling doesn’t WANT to change, because the current dynamic benefits them.

Your love for them doesn’t obligate you to stay and be diminished. Love yourself MORE.

WHAT TO DO:

If you’re reading this and you’re in this situation, here’s what I want you to do:

1️⃣ Acknowledge the truth. Stop making excuses, stop minimizing, stop hoping it’ll get better, and SEE what’s actually happening.

2️⃣ Pull cords. Use my pinned post on Threads, join Moonblood Labs and work with my spirits, do whatever you need to do to start energetically separating from this person. Cords keep you entangled, even when you know you should leave.

3️⃣ Get support. Talk to friends, family, a therapist, someone you trust. Don’t stay isolated. That’s what they want.

4️⃣ Make a plan. You may not be ready to leave today, and that’s okay. But start planning. Financial independence, somewhere to go, support system, whatever you need to make leaving possible.

5️⃣ Book Goddess’s Renewal when you’re ready. If you’ve been with this person for a minute, you’ve got deep cords and probably some attachments, too. Learn about the difference in my other thread. I can help you clear that shit out so you can actually move on when you leave, instead of physically leaving but staying energetically tied.

You deserve better than this, babe. You deserve a partner who celebrates you, supports you, and wants to see you WIN. You deserve someone who makes your life feel more grand, not smaller and darker.

If that’s not what you have in this moment, then being alone is absolutely, 100%, without question better than being with a dusty. I want better for you. Your ancestors want better for you. The Universe wants better for you.

But do you?

Prove it.

If you got questions, just ask! If you wanna send me a long ass email about your situation, hit my tip jar first. Wanna join Moonblood Labs or book a sesh? Just tap right here. I got you, babe. Love you! 💋💋